Wake me up when September ends...

Come September and I’m beginning to feel like ROYALTY :D. Everywhere I go (read Bombay, Pune and Bangalore) Its been a roller coaster ride…. And in a fun way!
Right from Shanky’s awesome birthday to the death ride to the Blore airport. Its been totally fun! Oh just incase ppl don’t know it’s the BEST month of the year ALWAYS ;) :P. So it started with a pleasure trip to Bangy a.k.a. Bangawhore! Where I witnessed primitive ass flogging of Shanks ( cool friend from Geometric … something I thank GSSL for) by atleast close to 20 of his classmates. Then I reach back to pune to find wat turned out to be the most awesome of bday surprises till date!
So here I am back in pune September 3rd 2008…. Its 1 pm and I enter my flat with both my roomies chillin and waiting for me to padharo!!! Then I finally lay my ass down on my bed to find this HUGE bday gift wrapped in greeeeeennn shiny paper topped off with pink (really pink) twisted ribbons!
Instructions read : Open Slowly… I oblige by doing so to find well the first of my 16 gifts :D. Considering that in this fast paced life to receive even a greeting is a big deal as everyone has their own shit to deal with and for my roomies to have taken the pains to do this was a big deal!! Trust me I was ecstatic when I started unwrapping the first layer to find that not only was in it the gift but each layer had a small note giving me the reason behind the gift selected.
Every day I woke up eager to unwrap the next layer and all starry eyed once I received the small note with it… I received things I remember I had mentioned months ago and the way they were wrapped was exactly as I wished I’d have gotten them. To add to this already amazing start one fine morning I was handed a letter neatly put in a beautiful envelope. I wondered whats this??? A Bill???? Na kidding hehehehhehe
It was the first of my long chain of letters all the way till a day after d-day.
Totally overwhelmed by the fact that my roomies went thru all this to get most of my friends to write me something is beyond words. I cant imagine the aggravation and questions faced by them… Now I know a few of the questions and well I think it was real big of them to quietly take it all.
So the first letter then the second then the third and so on… With each letter was a surge of emotions and my eyes welled up every time I finished reading one. The Funnest part of all this was the fact that none of them were signed by the author so I had to guess each time I read it after which I could only unwrap my next layer. Some letters were real funny and some struck a chord in my heart. But all of them hold their own place for me. At times it was real real hard to guess as I used to wonder, even if it was a particular friend, how on earth did my roomies contact them??? And when I’d get a “Yes , It is so and so” I’d go like “WTF, how on earth” and they’d go “sab baad main batayenge ki tere liye kya kya papad bele hain”
I was flabbergasted with the enormous efforts and the lovely responses by each and every friend of mine… new and old! They even got my office gang to write me a really cute totally confusing poem for me and place it on my table. WOW!!! Now that’s something I said to myself….i can barely get them to agree for lunch and they got them to write!!! My office gang have been such sweethearts and for what they barely know me like a few months.
Next were letters from gssl guys Shree and Tush…. Total Friggin Jaan’s of mine!!! They have been the sweetest ppl I’ve come across and have seen me through a lot professionally and personally  I just can’t imagine wat my time at geometric would have been without them.
Then I have Gautam… he’s the funnest coolest and most HARAMI senior of mine and his words of wisdom got me thru college and well now my quarter life…hehehhehehhe
Not anywhere behind are the sweetest couple I’ve met till date ;) Rajeev and Sameena (Sam a.k.a Khan Sama). They have been there for me I know since what seems like eternity and even though Rajeev calls me chunnu or munnu (I forget) and hates the fact that I verbally take his case almost every time I meet him for marrying a bloody Pakistani (Sam’s not by the way), its amazing to see them both support each other and love each other in such a cool way :D. Their letters though I admit were in the true sense SHORT AND SWEET!
Next my ex – Roomie Vinzzz…. Well we’ve been there done that and now even though milezzz away sent me sunshine and smiles thru the lovely poem she wrote!! Chandigarh main lagta hai bahut bahut maal hai ;)
Coming to Goti! Bosss Rulaoge kya!!! His letter did just that! I dint know he would ever say all that but I’m real glad he did!
Jeet far far from dilli sent me his wishes in full speed :D and as usual made me SMILE!
Then comes Shanksss well reminding me of the good times we’ve had and promising times ahead he never fails to get me in total HHKP mood (Hus Hus Ke Pagal)
One of the best advice I’ve got in a while and from a real new friend of mine who by writing all that showed he gave a rat’s ass (though he’ll deny) was Amit! Dude I know u care :P
I never knew I’d inspire someone to write and that too in stipulated time with articulate words and rhythmic tone. For knowing him for wat a few months and few meetings it was quite something to have received such a beautifully put birthday wish that felt too good to be true! Thanks Dee ;)
Then I have my naughtier half write me loads of stuff in her own style with max masala and totall faltugiri that had so much of underlyin feelings that I still can’t imagine ke kammeeeeennnzzzz ne itna kuch likha mere liye….. Probably more than her Fuckin CA exam papers!!! To kaminnnzzzz Ansh – Karamjali – Anjali! The Jaans U are!!!
Then I have my oldest and strongest pillar Hitesh write me something that I never thought would happen!! Handwritten!!! Hell Yeah…the bastards not written a word since BA and now finally he writes. Dipped with cynicism he still cant help but tell me he CARES and I love that!!! Hehehhehe dude amazing stuff that was!
Last but definitely not the least was Richa’s lovely poem that graced the handcrafted pages of Chimanlal in a totally awesome envelope (im crazy about stationery bare with me) written with wat I believe a Cross pen ;). Not that all this wasn’t flattery enough I had everythin I wanted right there sent for me from her in wish format and speed delivered by the GODS ;)

Even as this was done I had loads of phone calls … Amazing bouquets with exotic flowers and even loads of chocolate cake, strawberry pie and trifle pudding (yes diet ki toh max bajj hi gayi thi … but amazingly I dint gain wait) I ate and made merry all week almost got my ass kicked at work with some stuff piling on… went gallivanting and then eventually completed stuff. Weekend came and I was in Blore on the Friday itself on office work. Finished up at office and hit a nice disc with friends and continued the party next morning blowing smoke away again at mocha’s. I'm thinking of investing in them soon enough as I’ve made it my second home .First being office ;). Reached Bombay – Sapno ki nagri and voila had a sexy piece of jewelery waiting on my dressing table with a note “happy birthday – hope this is the best so far - Aki” and well who’s denyin that it wasn’t . The merriment continued and I had a blast with my folks and chilled at home with a couple of drinks and lotsa a sexy homemade food – chicken (my bro’s style) and well there was other stuff :D

So there we go its barely been a week now and I’m still all wondering “What Hit Me?”
“Am I really really dreaming or did all this just happen to me”.
At this point all I could think of was the song “King of Wishful Thinking” (OST Pretty Woman) and I still cant stop Smiling . I feel like a QUEEN and whose to blame me for all u know YOU PUT ME UP THERE!!!

Thanks a Ton again to EVERY SINGLE DUDE and DUDETTE!!!!

Moments ...

I know I’m expressive
And the look was all u needed
I shouldn’t be writing this
But this time my heart has pleaded
I love u way too much now to stop
I have to say it else I’ll drop
Today the rhyme is not even there
I think the minds got no time to spare
All I want to say is flowing out
I feel like I need to burst out and Shout!!!
And say Oh Babe Ur the best!!!
U put even my restless mind to rest!
I can’t begin to imagine now a day without you
I know u think of the same thing too
Time will pass and spaces shall fill
You and I, together will be still
If not by distance but in time we reside
No one can take from us these moments kept aside!!!


[This piece has been long due as I hadn't found the appropriate words ...i still think i could do better but well here it is... dyin to go out to her..... RICHA]

Photographic memory!

I can see every line change on your face still
Every bent brow move with new thrills

Eyes that express more than thousand words
A gaze that cuts through silence with swords.

Eye lashes curled to cover the sneakish peak,
Lips pursed as though your about to speak.

You blow a thick smoke way above ground
And then be smug and look for smiles all around.

A hoarse voice to bowl everyone over
A wit that makes a drunken b’com sober!

Memory has captured what a lens would not
And still u say a PHOTO I have not????

Home is where the heart is…

I’ve been moving a lot in the past few months as u might’ve guessed from all the posts recently and the soul searchin for all those who live with me. After all that I’ve finally taken a decision to live where I really really want to and not where it’s most practical to be. I’ve always known to be a person that’s practical and reasonable but I know for a fact its very rarely wat I truly want or fancy. This time I’m following my heart to a dear place where there’s a smile on everyone’s face and this warmth I long for that just glows and brightens up this power cut prone city 
Yes! U guessed right I’m moving back to my old place in Aundh. For all those who don’t know I live in Pune or rather reside (currently) here and for the past few months (namely 2) have been residing in Kalyani Nagar, a stone’s throw away from my workplace, which apparently was considered as a major boon to be cutting down on all the “traffuck” (sorry I’m takin this on udhar) jams and shit ass roads and cribs of autowalas and ofcourse sky rocketed tarrifs to get there. I somehow like the ride to work from aundh …its lovely and in the rains it feels great. I love the rains even though they’ve screwed my new pair of shoes real bad… but its me and my music all the way home to my smiley lovey dovey roomies Richu and Anshhh (karamjali) hahahhahahah. Btw miss Vinzzz a lot too :D.
I found out that I don’t fancy change so much… I can live in a particular way for years with frequent trips to various places(I love to travel) but in the end I need to come home or a place like that ;). Everyone’s (including me) always convincing you that change is good… ya my arse it is… it’s good if ur happy… it’s good if ur satisfied… its good if u have someone to share it with… otherwise it’s a fuckin pain in the arse I tell ya.
It’s everytime something changes u need to start from scratch and it would be a lil nice if u had ppl around u who u were comfortable with to share ur discoveries and failures. I love makin friends but cant stand the fact that I need to every now and then adjust personal space for the fact that ppl around me keep either getting transferred , shift jobs or bloody hell get married. Change is fine if its with nature, politics and sensex u know!!
For me I like things the way I like it and who doesn’t. Everywhere I go I try making something of this vagabondish life I have to make it seem more livable and lovable ;).
So it all comes down to finding and maintaining a certain SPACE for oneself.
As long as I get that I don’t really care if it’s a place in PALI hills (Mumbai) or Pimpri/Chinchwad (pune). So on this note I will stop wasting precious work hours on bloggin silently while my build is failing on the unix machine…chalo tata..till I post another one.

Want!

I dont wanna sleep
It doesnt help me anymore
I feel this eternal want for somethin more.

I dont wanna sleep
I’m sure u know why
I love watchin u from where I lie.

I dont wanna sleep
Dont ask me once again
My morning doesn't ever begin before ten.

I dont wanna sleep
It’s not meant for me
If I close my eyes I won’t have u to see

I dont wanna sleep
I’ve said all there is
I'll watch u now in your peaceful bliss.

(Yesterday afternoon while I was chillin at my desk and feeling terribly sleepy a colleague of mine Nibsss gave me an assignment! It's submission time I guess :D)

Change...

Well so here I am again thinking of moving from where I am and reassessing the whole god damn thing over and over again. Pros and cons and the whole thing you know. But in the end all this time invested in coming to a decision would be based on a particular momentary development or change and on none of these speculations, but, I atleast have something to tell myself as too why my erratic behavior has a prior calculated motive or risk. Total Faltu Bakwaas in short! I always do what I am driven to do at heightened moments. I don’t regret my decisions coz they’re mine and not really forced upon but yeah sometimes driven by forces other than self generated.

So coming back to something that you would understand rather than just me rambling away to glory. Hehehehhehe. Yeah so I’ve shifted residence recently from one end of Pune to another and realized that though its been quite a while that I’ve wanted to live there I really don’t fancy the place that much… infact not at all really these days…. It has nothing to do with roomies or the place as such coz that’s fantastic and I really don’t give either of them to grow on me so I’d like them :D… its just that I have so much I’ve left behind that I really never wanted to… not for atleast a few more months I believe.
Sometimes I feel I’d rather have other ppl move to their new places and then u know me search for something new too…but here it wasn’t that way…I left a perfectly set life of mine to come to a place I’ve always wanted to live in but I ain’t Livin at all. Then again I think it’s an awesome change but who am I kiddin right??? Its just another whole pain in tha ass situation that I need to start everythin from scratch and am not even convinced if I want to do it!

Anyways I feel its enough of thinking and I’m just gonna make the best of it till I find the perfect reason to go HOME :D (for those who don’t know that’s Bombay) Its one place I can never get bored of… it has a perfect blend of much required pace and opportunity to make a NAUJWAN stay JAWAN hehehehhehe. Till the next move then.

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Burning Desire!!!!!

What is it that keeps me coming back to you?
What is it that burns a fire in me so true?

My lips touch you and flames burn up,
Every breath I take my stomach churns up.

The circles around, to the skies they soar,
The air moves up keeping me gasping for more.

Long and slender my fingers feel you up,
And though you slip thru them we begin from where we left off!

I know you'd wish it wouldn’t end so soon,
Every puff that I take brings you to your doom.

I love you so much and will till the end.
Ur my only darlin Classic Milds pack of ten ;)

Strength ...

Shattered pieces of glass
Broken window panes
Doors once opened are
Shut, never to be opened again


A sigh and deep breath
A hopeful morning seeks
A lonely winter night
Reminding of the silence of the creek


With closed eyes and a prayer in the heart
Each day begins unfold
Wondering what mysteries
And fortunes would come to a heart of gold.


The strong be given a curse
To bear all the burdens they can
The weak lay inside
While their life’s go by a plan.


No risks shall be taken
No battles be fought again
Till I see the treasures
Of my winnings since I was ten.


All that was won before
And over and over again
Come to add strength and character
To the woman who’d be won by the strongest man!



(Note: Its an Ode' to all the women i know and all the strength they have... A week later than women's day but i guess its better this way ;) )

The way I Are

I know why I am the way I am…
Its not for u to see… its not for me to show…

It struck me today why I am really this way. There are so many things I haven’t discovered about myself that it would be totally unfair to let a total stranger be burdened with the expectations of someone who doesn’t know what she wants or is capable of attaining. They say GOD (yes! I’m not an atheist … just not ritualistic) works in mysterious ways and well everything that happens, happens for good.
Unless one knows what they can or cannot do or should or shouldn’t give up they shouldn’t jump on decisions. Every lesson one learns makes them stronger and a lil wiser in treading much more carefully and not hurting oneself and others involved in their lives at the various stages and phases they go through.
I totally believe everyone is responsible for all that they do, say or have and at any point if “shit happens” its all one’s fault or doing only. No outsider can be blamed or thrashed with the crap that you urself got into. Also it’s pretty likely that if u don’t know what u truly deserve and need then your bound to make mistakes and well humanly blame ;) someone else for it.
It’s just that I feel every once in a while a self appraisal is good and needed. You need to know what u need and what u want and whether they together make sense… it’s like the perfect blend of music an lyrics. It’s also whether u deserve what u want and whether what u want deserves you. Maybe you’d get better maybe you wont… at the end of the day it’ll be exactly what you need.
I just resigned from my current job and realized that it’s not because I hated my job or anything, its because I realized I deserved more and that THAT MORE deserved me.
Similarly a lot of people deserve more than they have and well those who don’t deserve compensate for it in other ways. What goes around comes around so I know for sure that atleast smiles, khoob saara pyar evum chumiyan are only on their way back along with the very witty sarcasm I have been throwing at people and the general taunts :) so well I’m ready! Gimme your best shot and I’ll take it all down with a pinch of salt and a huge smile on my face coz that’s one thing that’s always gonna be mine :)

Last Ride Together

This is something I came across and its not like me to put up something that I haven't written..but I guess its apt for all I feel right now and I wish I'd not lose my own form of expression and have to put this up.
But anyways here goes people...enjoy!!!

Last Ride Together
by Robert Browning
(1812-1889)


I said---Then, dearest, since 'tis so,
Since now at length my fate I know,
Since nothing all my love avails,
Since all, my life seemed meant for, fails,
Since this was written and needs must be---
My whole heart rises up to bless
Your name in pride and thankfulness!
Take back the hope you gave,---I claim
---Only a memory of the same,
---And this beside, if you will not blame,
Your leave for one more last ride with me.

II.

My mistress bent that brow of hers;
Those deep dark eyes where pride demurs
When pity would be softening through,
Fixed me, a breathing-while or two,
With life or death in the balance: right!
The blood replenished me again;
My last thought was at least not vain:
I and my mistress, side by side
Shall be together, breathe and ride,
So, one day more am I deified.
Who knows but the world may end tonight?

III.

Hush! if you saw some western cloud
All billowy-bosomed, over-bowed
By many benedictions---sun's
And moon's and evening-star's at once---
And so, you, looking and loving best,
Conscious grew, your passion drew
Cloud, sunset, moonrise, star-shine too,
Down on you, near and yet more near,
Till flesh must fade for heaven was here!---
Thus leant she and lingered---joy and fear!
Thus lay she a moment on my breast.

IV.

Then we began to ride. My soul
Smoothed itself out, a long-cramped scroll
Freshening and fluttering in the wind.
Past hopes already lay behind.
What need to strive with a life awry?
Had I said that, had I done this,
So might I gain, so might I miss.
Might she have loved me? just as well
She might have hated, who can tell!
Where had I been now if the worst befell?
And here we are riding, she and I.

V.

Fail I alone, in words and deeds?
Why, all men strive and who succeeds?
We rode; it seemed my spirit flew,
Saw other regions, cities new,
As the world rushed by on either side.
I thought,---All labour, yet no less
Bear up beneath their unsuccess.
Look at the end of work, contrast
The petty done, the undone vast,
This present of theirs with the hopeful past!
I hoped she would love me; here we ride.

VI.

What hand and brain went ever paired?
What heart alike conceived and dared?
What act proved all its thought had been?
What will but felt the fleshly screen?
We ride and I see her bosom heave.
There's many a crown for who can reach,
Ten lines, a statesman's life in each!
The flag stuck on a heap of bones,
A soldier's doing! what atones?
They scratch his name on the Abbey-stones.
My riding is better, by their leave.

VII.

What does it all mean, poet? Well,
Your brains beat into rhythm, you tell
What we felt only; you expressed
You hold things beautiful the best,
And pace them in rhyme so, side by side.
'Tis something, nay 'tis much: but then,
Have you yourself what's best for men?
Are you---poor, sick, old ere your time---
Nearer one whit your own sublime
Than we who never have turned a rhyme?
Sing, riding's a joy! For me, I ride.

VIII.

And you, great sculptor---so, you gave
A score of years to Art, her slave,
And that's your Venus, whence we turn
To yonder girl that fords the burn!
You acquiesce, and shall I repine?
What, man of music, you grown grey
With notes and nothing else to say,
Is this your sole praise from a friend,
``Greatly his opera's strains intend,
``Put in music we know how fashions end!''
I gave my youth; but we ride, in fine.

IX.

Who knows what's fit for us? Had fate
Proposed bliss here should sublimate
My being---had I signed the bond---
Still one must lead some life beyond,
Have a bliss to die with, dim-descried.
This foot once planted on the goal,
This glory-garland round my soul,
Could I descry such? Try and test!
I sink back shuddering from the quest.
Earth being so good, would heaven seem best?
Now, heaven and she are beyond this ride.

X.

And yet---she has not spoke so long!
What if heaven be that, fair and strong
At life's best, with our eyes upturned
Whither life's flower is first discerned,
We, fixed so, ever should so abide?
What if we still ride on, we two
With life for ever old yet new,
Changed not in kind but in degree,
The instant made eternity,---
And heaven just prove that I and she
Ride, ride together, for ever ride?

You can leave me and go now!

You can leave me and go now,
I won’t feel a thing.

You can leave me and go now,
I’ll soon find another song to sing.

You can leave me and go now,
If it doesn’t matter to you.

You can leave me and go now,
It seems you have better things to do.

You can leave me and go now,
The world won’t stop turning!

You can leave me and go now,
Answers would come to eternal questions burning.

You can leave me and go now,
Don’t turn around to see.

You can leave me and go now,
For you may not find tears in me.

You can leave me and go now,
It seems to you like a boon.

You can leave me and go now,
For true love would definitely find me soon!

Questions to the Void

Why is it everytime someone gives all they can at that moment it never is enough?
When is it going to be enough?
When am I going to run out of my resources that according to everyone else seem to be in abundance?
Why is it I feel the day I run out of it someone who deserves it would come along?
Why is it that my mom hasn’t yet run out of it?
When would she run out of it?
Is it really everlasting?
Why is it that she had to wait 20 odd years for me to realize that she had it?
Is it going to take me 20+ years to find out?
Why has it been passed on?
Would I be better off without it?
Are people more valued if they don’t have it?
Is it time to give it up and trade for something else?
How many different things could I get for the price of this one?
Are you even getting what I’m saying?
Should I care if you don’t?
Do I really really want to change?
Is this really worth it?
How can anyone live without it?
Why do I feel it acts like a cushion for something that doesn’t deserve it nearly ever?
Why do people shed tears/smiles for things that don’t really deserve them?
What is deserving?
Why am I questioning the capacity of what I am?
I love myself for what I can give unconditionally for which it is so hard for others to even give with conditions bound to it!
I am my own HERO!

A Suitable Boy

“I finally found someone who knocks me off my feet
I finally found someone who makes me feel complete.
It started over coffee, we started out as friends.
It’s funny how from Simple things the BEST things begin…”
– Bryan Adams and Barbara Streisand

This is exactly how I feel right now. No other words would better explain how I feel about this certain someone. The funny thing is I can be myself and everything I want to be and still feel REAL!

I am lost for words right now but seem to paint the exact picture of what I want to show you. It’s as though someone finally “Real-ised” all my secret wishes that I once hoped came true. It’s as though someone’s been picked right out of my dreams and placed in front of me and I’ve gone speechless. All I can do is stare and admire and get floored by the very presence of this person. It’s when u get that feeling of ‘ too-good-to-be-true’. Every single moment spent is whole in its own very special way. To some it may seem totally insignificant and for all u know so may he but I really don’t care. I’ve chosen to write about this cause I feel so strongly about him that it scares me to my core.

I feel like a small little girl that’s been given this “well deserved” TROPHY that is so uniquely crafted and well made that sometimes it scares her to even hold it in a way that may scratch the lovely purely polished surface it has! The shine, the exuberance on the girls face is unmatched when seen with it and everyone knows why she exhibits such character and has this beautiful gleam in her eyes as all that she can see is her TROPHY! It’s like none she’s ever won before or none that her friends have been given either. Sometimes she wonders if it’s really hers and then there are times she knows no one else could ever compete with her for the same prize that is rightfully hers! All this excitement and anxiety takes her from day to day with pride in her eyes and slight doubtlets of fear of losing it all at once!

She so hopes he’d get it now and hope he’d come and say it somehow
There’s still this something she’d never know unless HE comes and tells her so…

The Love Bug

So here I’m sitting at my desk at work and thinking why I’m not really really able to concentrate on WORK that I’m being paid for and actually thinking about this person who’s not even around.
It’s quite absurd if u think of it from a third perspective as I often do. I feel I think I’m losing it!
I’m losing my sanity, my control over myself, My state of equilibrium and guess what no matter how mad I feel throughout the day IT FEELS GREAT when u get that single sms/call and even though there’s nothing much to discuss it feels sooo sooooo Amazing!
No scientific explanation yet to why it does BUT it DOES!
I’ve tried to get to describe it for so long but I cant!
And then someone says “ It’s the Love Bug my friend!”
Oh no why me? It wasn’t supposed to be like this  It was supposed to be like in the movies… boy meets girl .. they fall in love and they have a happy ending whatever that be!
BUT NOOOOOOO there is no such simple story coz I feel today’s BOY lacks the balls to “meet and tell” the girl! All he can do is hope, pray and leave it all to destiny….
Yes destiny that’s wat its coming to now! And the girl is again the typical new age career woman that wants her guy to be a MALE and start the bloody thing as she seems more protected and afraid than the boy who is in this constant state of confusion of “she loves me ,she loves me not” or “ do I love her or love her not” or “my mom shall kill us both”.
And in all this the simplicity is lost. Cant we just live for the moment and forget SOCIETY, PARENTS, PEERS and most of all FRIENDS.
This bullshit SUCKS! Gimme a guy who likes it simple! Actually quite happy with the one under the microscope right now but dont let me get bored of ur Stupid Lazy Ways!!!!! You know I’m kiddin!!! The Love bug’s Here to Stay FOREVER!!!!

AKI and I

Where do I begin? It would make no sense. Would u understand what I’m trying to say???

Well these were the exact thoughts going thru my head when I sat down the other day with AKI. We started of what would have turned out to be a regular disagreement with both of us feeling that the other doesn’t give a shit but to my surprise it wasn’t what I expected it to turn out. It left me wanting more and wondering why did I hold back so long and search elsewhere for what I always had sitting right there in the hall of my small home soon turning to be just a boarding – lodging option in the city. Nothing I pen down right now would make me able to bring out the exact feeling I had then… I felt light …I felt free …. I felt Me.

This is for you.

I’ve known u since u were a foot and a half.
We’ve spent since then so many laughs.

Ran around the house and broken stuff
Got beaten up by a mom so tough.

School came and we started growing up
With studies, play and masti were our cups filled up

Still we did talk and play at home
From GI Joes to Barbie’s hair we’d comb

Then college came and we rarely spoke
We’d found some other folks

Home was our time away from friends
Hoping tomorrow we’d meet them again.

We never ever had quiet words again
I think I should have been wiser then.

Living alone with parents taught us a lot
That we were there for each other but somehow forgot.

Now I live in some god forsaken part on the globe
Hoping to see you on more than weekends I hope.

You were there then and I know ur here now.
Time seems to be just passing by somehow

The time will come when I’d be really far away.
Till then lets be the best siblings I say!

SATISFACTION or somethin like it

In office at 5.25 p.m. Have no clue why I’m still here. There’s tons of work to be completed and I just can’t seem to get things in motion. I wonder why?
Is it because I just don’t feel like doing it anymore or is it because of the obvious laziness in me or is it because I have finally found that this is not making me happy and I need to move on?

I’ve seen this happen before where I have clinged on to things for so long that it became a way of life that I knew deep inside I didn’t want to lead anymore but since it was the only security I had I kept doing it till I just couldn’t anymore. I never imagined that my job would be such a thing! I always thought I’d do something I loved to earn my bread and butter. I am working these days just to survive when actually I draw quite a decent salary for someone my age. By that I don’t mean those brilliant engineers who’ve jumped jobs and excelled in everything they’ve done. I’m an average person with a used-to-be normal life that has gone topsy-turvy for the want of a financially satisfying life. What is a better living? These days so often we hear the words “I’m earning a better living”. BUT ARE U???? ITS ALL A STATE OF MIND!

The more the money … the more the stress….the more the lack of living….. I’m earning enough according to current standards but still have to struggle living with 3 other roommates in a flat devoid of comfort and life. What am I paying rent for????? I have no clue. I feel as though people have lost their minds completely playing the money game… First u earn … then buy a flat….then put it on rent while u urself pay an exorbitant amount as rent in some other area of ur choice and thus the infinitum!
If u notice most people in my field probably earn thrice the amount their parents earned when they were are age but DAMN our parents were still happier! Look at me I am 24 yrs and writing about satisfaction at work… how the fuck would I know if I dint stick around long enough to learn something worthwhile to prove by mettle outside? Its not job satisfaction really I’m talking about… its satisfying ur inner desire to be at the top or somewhere around that area and always ahead of competition….its tryin to convince everyone around u and urself that u are doing something worthwhile with ur life…its trying to find you in ur job and not finding a job in YOU!
Seriously I’m just typing away from the start not really knowing where this is really going. I’m still at work not doing work and I know I’m wrong but I just have to write all this. Why am I being forced to continue in this job and why am I being forced to leave it?
To tell u the truth my job doesn’t really suck …I swear it doesn’t. If I stick around long enough (already been 3 yrs) I know I’d be proficient and much better off than a peer whose jumped 3 jobs and has got 2 promotions after heavy negotiations and tons of money. I’m not saying people who switch jobs are stupid… its just that everyone has a different internal wiring… and some have tendencies to be short circuited much easily than the others. My belief is “old fashioned” as some call it…but I swear I’ve seen it to be more “satisfying” than the others. I totally believe that “ALL circumstances are made to make u richer and not break u down”. But that’s me! In today’s age because of the Various choices we’re offered its more difficult to make a right pick! The advice packages offered are so scary that even people u totally believe in can shake the foundations of ur beliefs. Torment u day in and day out into making biased choices.

I think the inspiration for today’s post is because of the article I read on the survey for the most satisfying jobs in the states. I don’t know about the US but my mom’s a school teacher and I haven’t really ever heard her complain so much about her job than half my peers at work. My dad was a manager in a small engineering firm some years ago and gave his prime years (22 to be precise) to the betterment of that company and never had such bitter feelings towards what he did! He had an ASS for a boss but he still loved what he did! I just think that its competition and the fact that u let Your peers get to u that makes ur life so difficult… I never ever saw my parents feel bad or convinced enough to switch their jobs. Loyalty to one’s beliefs is something that runs in the blood… Similarly I really don’t find reason good enough to leave my job though ‘according to everyone around’ I would be much more satisfied with a higher paying job… That sound is great right? but money is seriously something that can be earned anytime. I am talented and gifted but I need practice long enough to be able to really ask what I’m worth of! I need to be convinced that my current job cant give me any more and I need to move on.
Am I worth all I get currently? I am worth much more but in due time…. In due time!

Motivation

I’m gonna do it this time
I know I can.
I’m gonna do it this time
And for no man!

I can control this
It’s an easy task
It’s amazing how I’ve waited
For someone to ask.

Dedication, determination and hard work
It’s all that’s needed.
To get to where I want
From GOD I’ve pleaded.

I know they say
He helps those who help themselves
It’s like in a fairy tale
But you are your own elves!

I feel sometimes
It’s gonna take a lot
Sometimes may require
Drugs of some sort

They say Rome wasn’t
Built in a day!
It needs sense of direction and motivation
More over than prayer!!

Lot does change with
A pinch of WILL POWER
Changing your weakness
To a strengthened tower.

I’ve decided! I know it’s me
Who can do this
After all it’s only I who
Deserves this feeling of BLISS!!!

An intersting ride to work

AAJ bus driver being himself (read as aspiring F1 driver) decides to give SANTROWALE side swipes....
successfully does so and then scoots at lightening speed from the scene
Santrowale as pissed as he gets follows F1 bus driver a.k.a. G10(geometric bus 10) bus driver, with bad attitude problem to finally catch up at sadanand baner to have a showdown with the most atrocious vocabulary consisting only profanity!!!!
then a good samaritan bus user decides to go and solve the issue who gets paid with some pathetic words like mc bc Tu bas main wapas baith ..from our driver itself .... then finally the driver realises that he cant listen to the SANTROWALE anymore and pushes him asides and again gets into his ferrari (our khatara bus) and cruises on the highway at an unimaginable speed ignoring smaller cars and almost giving everyone a coronary.
Our SANTROWALE not satisfied with all the profanity decides to follow us to work and on reaching office tries to win the battle...
at this time i decided to come to my desk and start working (mailing ofcourse).
So leaving u all at this note we would not know what happened to the SANTROWALE but .. our F1 driver considering the fat he can handle this is definitely doin good i imagine....

M ‘n’ M (Music and Me)

Music is the cure to everything … from a late start to a totally screwed up day.

I really don’t care, never have, about what people thought abt my choice in music…. I’ve been called “angrez ki aulad” for the fact that I love western music more than indian… I don’t give a DAMN! I hear music that I can listen to even when it isn’t playin anymore. I can’t help its western or ravindra sangeet or KK or few indian artists.
I get a certain high listenin to music…. And for those who know me they might not be knowing this … That’s the time my mouth is generally shut ;).

The music playin mostly reflects the state of my mind at that time. I am totally moody and for all u know it can change instantly with a song… from mushy songs to rock to metal to u name it ….depending on my mood I can groove to anythin…. I get high on songs!!! It takes me to a different place where I am myself… where I see me the way I want to… there are so few people who really understand this part of me… and to tell u its not my family…then again don’t expect them too.

A prelude … the verse…the bridge all just brought together in perfect melody can be the best thing that ever happened to life on earth. Imagine if there was no music…hell no! I’d rather not imagine! It’s the key to my creativity (or whatever u’d call it), a deep meaning in my life. Express urself in a song is probably the way it was suppose to be. I aint old fashioned (atleast I’d like to believe that) but a song is the key to a musical heart like mine. I can find a song to fit almost any part or episode in my life…. And if I don’t know a song I’d make one up!

Well I’ve seemed to have graduated to have a better taste n music…
School saw a very romantic … boy band crazy me … with little regards for lyrics.
Then came college where I started appreciating lyrics and music and then finally went on to music that defines me today. Drums and a good voice to actually bring the words to life with an amazing guitar piece and all the other good stuff… from Creed, Led Zep, bit of Floyd to solos from various artists and even RnB and cool hip hop…Pop and heart pumping feet tapping disc music. I Love it all! Music’s in me and hopefully someday I’d be in Music too!!

Random Thoughts

Listenin to a melody I actually began to wonder about myself… have I done all that I wished to do… what more could I have done…how different would it be if I’d do things the way I’d like to then… a plethora of opportunities lost… a bouquet of choicest memories now… what would I want to trade or not to for that matter of fact. I don’t seem to have any answers and sometimes I feel I have all… right now none are true!

Some people like to call this a quarter life crisis…well it’s not a crisis for heaven sake. This is just another way for people to try and categorise or compartmentalise their lives…. Its all just one big long episode/movie/act to me….as you like it.

It’s a universal truth that as soon as an area of your life’s goin well all elsewhere is completely blown to bits and crumbling all over but the converse is not true. Ironic?
It’s at times like these everyone gets judgemental and tries to find answers and link it to past failures and silly choices made … can’t blame anyone I guess I sat down tryin to do the same thing… I realised its got nothin to do with what I had, did or lost a chance to do… Now is the time it’s gonna change!! Why not I am capable… I can move mountains … I can rule my life … I am accountable for all I do…. I’m me and that’s all that counts right now.

Smile!

Smile! Coz u bring a smile to my face.
Smile! Coz there are so many goin gaga for ur just one gaze.

Smile! U need that exercise
Smile! All ur problems will downsize.

Smile! There’s a world waiting for u.
Smile! Coz u know u’ll get thru.

Smile! There’s much more u deserve.
Smile! This is just first serve.

Smile! U know ur doing it right now.
Smile! Don’t think When? What? How?

Smile! Someone maybe watchin u.
Smile! I know u want to.

Smile! There’s no place for a frown.
Smile! And u know u’ll paint the town.

Smile! U see I’m smiling too.
Smile! And read this when ur blue…. Knowing someone somewhere is thinking of u!!!!

In Retrospect

In retrospect all that’s happened is for good.
I am saying this as I knock on wood!

In retrospect I could’ve dug more under my hood.
It doesn’t feel as though I did all I could.

In retrospect life seems like its cruising by
Well all is just too many blinks of an eye.

In retrospect I could’ve said something better then
Now all I have is the thoughts down in pen

In retrospect I loved then lived
To give all to the one in whom I believed.

In retrospect all was said and done
Tomorrow would definitely see a bright new sun.

In retrospect it’s all over now.
And just see me as I still blossom and grow

My Roomies

Every guy wants to know what a girl does with her room –mates or other girl friends. They just can’t get over the fact that girls CAN have a GREAT TIME together other than when their gossiping! Anyways today I’m gonna burst every guy’s bubble.

I have been living away from home for just a few years now, ever since I’ve joined GSSL (Geomteric Software Solutions Ltd, my Workplace). The first stint away from home (Mumbai) was in august 2004, where my first Roomie was KP or KAYPDI for those who know:) . She and I would have the wildest nights together (c’mon don’t think dirty guys) listening to music or just chattin away into the night. Weekends were spent just chillin or goin from place to place in pune (and believe me there are just a few) on her chotu bikey called Spirit or at times just cleaning up at home mostly rearrangin her cupboard (which was quite a task ). We were so used to each other that even on weekends when we came home we’d meet up for a play or general shopping…. But my favorite was those awesome haircuts at freeda’s…. damn I miss that!!! Then after that I was back in mumbai for a year where KP and I would now almost skip work in the afternoon and go out and chill at freeda’s or some place at HN (hirannadani, a place close to work in Vikhroli).Those were the days man…work and pleasure both and guess what no guy involved what so ever. Pure Enthu and excitement to just chill and spend time with each other especially walks at Godrej colony…. Just awesome time together. KP is currently studyin at Gainsville,Florida in FEA (MS in Mech Engg).

Anyways later in may 2006 I came back to Pune (it justs keeps callin em back hehehehe). Things were tight this time around as most of my friends from pune had shifted jobs or careers and were not around so house hunting was once again a tough task at hand. To my luck within a month of moving to pune I found a nice real cozy place already occupied by 2 chicks (chicks : word most often used by me to describe a girl…. Please note no male rankin system used to make any such reference :) ). Sapna and Sheili…. Both Mumbai-ites….. Oh the joy !!!! Astonished as I was to find two distinctevely different characters living in the same house…and peacefully….and the fact that they were girls was just ..well SHOCKING!!! I moved in because there was this instant bond I had created with the both of them when I came to see the place that I had forgotten alltogether that I had kept an auto waiting….well he left obviously. So within a week I moved into a one bhk as the third occupant. Privacy somehow wasn’t a big issue ever but sometimes I did feel like I’d like to have a room to myself…. Well reasons are a bit too candid to be disclosed in public so lets just say we tht we needed another room atleast…. Hehehehe. Anyways most weekends were spent in mumbai and the one’s that we were there we did go out a bit but mostly sat around and slept all day :) which at that time seemed to be the best thing to do.. I did practice a lot of cooking as we all liked eating at home and that was our major bonding time.. Sapna was dormant one most of the times and Sheili was the kick ass sorts …believe me she could “FUCK” anyone’s happiness and still can though she’s in b’lore with her husband DG :).. Sheili was the Hitler in the house and crazy about cleanliness that at times it reaaaalllllyyyyy got on my nerves…. And SAP’s was the motherly sorts… who’d serve u food till u’d blast outta ur pants… No meant yes and I’m full meant “u can give me a little more so there’d me no way for me to move outta here” … kidding babes! But I loved the fact that they behaved like exactly who they were and no girlie NAKHRAS at all! Then Sheili moved to B’lore and Sapna is currently in the states doin the same gadha majduri she did here for INFOSYS… only a dollar pay :)
There I was again searchin for a place again and this time I just dint feel like doin any sorta hard work. The whole sifting through the number of girls to get the NON- PAINFUL roomies is quite a task… more than the place it’s the roomie that creates the problem mostly so she needed to be cool or herself atleast and for god sake no nakhras…. With my previous roomies Mumbai was the bonding factor which later turned out to be just more than just friendship with all of them… I know I cared for them as sisters that I never had.. a love that cannot be really described in words…. Its like when Michael Jackson says “ Just call my name…. And I’ll be there”.
This time I dint meet any of the roomies and the one I had spoken to was just for about 5 mins…. I needed a place and I liked the fact that this one was a 2 bhk with a decent rent and I thought I’d have some alone time so I really didn’t bother about bonding blah blah etc etc…. but guess what…. It has turned out just like everytime…. Hehehhehe. Is it just me ….well I’d like to believe that!!!!

Well we’re currently the 4 of us; Ekta, Divya, Vineeta and I. Now for proper introductions
Ekta also known as PHATOM or Santa Claus as she changes roles all so frequently but major is on the Save Our Souls mission :)
Divya the self proclaimed HEERA and the current motherly figure in the house who can fire the maid oh so very well that even we’re scared from time to time ….kidding actually ahe would generally come across as the most sweetest girl with her generous offereings of Chai which mostly are so that she’d get just another cup to drink using us as her BAHANA ;)
Vineeta hahahhaha gag bag with next to amazing face muscles that enable her to make the funniest of faces … OMG u should definitely come over once to see this spectacle :D… well I almost PHORGOT she’s VB as I somehow couldn’t yet comeup with anythin better… not good on my part…am I rusting at this skill I have????

Anyways spending time together we’ve almost blown off every other person we know (except for their bf’s and for me GOt’s and Jeete) because we just have a better time together at home than getting out in the blistering heat and just watchin a shady movie with friends (who are great ofcourse, no offense!). We grown so close even though its just been what … 2 months I guess! I’ve come to this conclusion that god does realise I deserve good roomies if not anything else as I’ve been blessed with real coooooolllllll ones :).

Since these are the newest roomies I have they deserve a little more blogspace so here goes :

VB : Well she’s the funniest after ur’s truly ofcourse (she may debate over this when she reads this but hahahaha I know I’ll win ;) )
Slender be her middle name ofcourse other than RAU*** (this I can’t disclose…security purpose) Apart from her funny faces that keeps the blood circulation (as food definitely doesn’t go in as she’s perpetually on the phone) her humour is top notch and ofocurse the ever so infectious Language at home that has got the other two speakin it too as our “kiya karamat”… Reliance world in pune runs because of her …atleast I feel so…. But when she’s not on the phone we do spend a lot more than just a few hours as we sleep together in same room (no pun intended) and mostly land up chattin away to sleep or while she's "body cocooooning" herself till one just actually konks off… ususally that’s her. In all we both have a lotta things in common apart from curtain selection :)

Divya: Oh I almost forgot we also call her FIONYA …. Ah it’s a long story but to cut it short lets say she’s found her prince charming (Mr. R** Man******…no kiddin that’s his name … Prince charming if u translate)(also Fiona …Shrek’s Chick if u remember ). She’s one babe who has it all figured out! Soon to be a Mrs.this girl is soooo paranoid about CELLULITE man even though her beau is not! She’s a fine specimen of a to-be-good-mother. Well she does justice to the name HEERA :) and is my inspiration and food guide to get rid of the million tonnes of cellulite I have :). Anyone who’s met her would agree that she has the most welcoming smile and therefore is the doorkeeper of the house hehehhehe. Ok enough as I know I’m gonna get me ass kicked for this. In all a true Gem…. Muaaah babes!!!!

Oh last but defintely not the least Our Phantom …. Ekta. Well she’s been in this house forever(atleast longer than the rest of us). Before us her life revolved round Symantec, Rahul (or as I call him SACHIN…coz he gives a very SACHIN feel hehehehe) and her priceless bhaiyya – bhabhi boz of whom we rarely got to see her…. Hence PHANTOM the name ;).
She lived in my room for a while after which she shifted to be D’s roomie and now regrets the fact (I like to believe that). While she was my roomie I’d seen her abt 3 times in the month I shifted in. She was basically this good soul who paid the rent to a house she dint occupy then and kept buying stuff for the rest of our convenience (water ,fridge …fixed it too ). She was there to serve and protect…ur getting the picture I hope !!!
Anyways a real simple hard working girl….homely ,cute and who has been hangin out with us ever since B-B (bhaiyya –bhabhi) moved to sapno ki nagri bambaiiii!!!

Though I’ve screwed up the intro’s “I the loves them none the lesses”Hopefully we’ll live together longer than I expect!!!
So Far we’ve been spending quality time together but I guess as the sayin goes
This too shall PASS!!!
But the memories will stay forever….and I mean not only in print :)

Love ya’ll babes ….all of u!!

A Good Time

Was thinking about events that occurred all through my life and realized that it doesn’t take a lot to have a good time. Everyone would agree that the penniless days at the college hangout and the chipping in for a shady meal contributed to the most memorable days.
Being a person that would narrate a normal day as one of utmost importance makes me think of all those then worthless hours I’ve spent in the K.C. College canteen with a few of my seniors who then had no direction in Life. For those who don’t know K.C. stands for Kishinchand Chellaram College or as we called it KISSING-chand Chellaram college.
An ordinary day would consist of a chem.lecture by Prof Meera Parwani (who for the guys reading was quite hot and also had an awesome command over the subject), whose lecture I never missed…then a huge totally wasted canteen session that would generally end up in completion of lyrics of songs by some boy band or rockers that I started compiling in really boring lectures that were attended to just complete my attendance. This book was my only treasured possession then. Btw I still have it!!!
Then after all this we’d suddenly decide and go to watch the latest release and since seniors were around they’d generally be paid for …hehehehhe. After that started the only exercise of the day…the long amazing walk home….. MARINE DRIVE….. it was much clean and beautiful then but lately has lost all its charm due to the sad cops and “bagha” public that come and ruin its surroundings by littering. “Bagha” is the word used to describe ppl who are basically tourists and venture out on the weekend to litter places.

Nothing seemed to change after joining Engineering. We still hung around the shadiest areas to find ourselves penniless again. Cracked similar jokes with interests shifting from music and fine arts to sports and new technologies.Growth was evident but not the one we actually gave tution fees for ;). But the bottom line still remained TIMEPASS. It was a lotta nothing to get through all the something someone tried to teach us then. All we wished that lectures would be held in the gym whilst we played TT or carom heheehhe. Atleast all our “TIME” could be utilized well thenJ. All this would not make much sense to most of you but then all we needed to have a good time was someone we could relate to and those who thought on the same level. No Tolerance of bullshit and a kick-ass therapy to cure any sad or majorly fucked up attitude! Getting High on life was easy. General Cribs about college actually weren’t cribs at all just are way to say that we care.
Everyone loved this “SHITHOLE” named VJTI. Anytime spent together turned out to be a GREAT Time.

All this has somehow changed. Money and the want for more has brought about this radical unwanted way of life. Now we go and enjoy a drink or two with someone who doesn’t even have the slightest clue of who you are! At times at team dinners when ur laughing at a not even remotely funny joke (normally narrated by the boss paying the bill) ur always hoping that u’d rather get outta this and spend it with people u actually did care about. All the while thinking you have no life and rightly coz your company has substituted that with work, money and these long lists of facilities no one has the time to use except when on bench. Loyalty is an issue as one’s always actuaaly searchin for a place they can call home…A hoem away from home… Happiness is all that matters and now since they don’t make it the way they used we gotta buy ourselves a bit of it each day.

All I think about our my friends and the years we’ve spent “foolin around” having a great time.

Good times now seem to be a thing of the past…

History unfortunately has somehow has forgotten to repeat itself….

Memories linger as time flies by …knowing one day it’ll be our time to die!!!!!

From The Heart

To you I dedicate this MA
I know you’ve waited too long too far.
You think I don’t care, sometimes its true,
For you are the captain and we’re the crew!

The man of the house its daddy for sure
But u were the one by my side when I was sore.
He gave us the meds you were the cure,
You gave us the ear, he gave us the dough!

You always thought I was daddy’s girl,
You made me woman from that girl.
With a pat on the back and a smile on your face,
All my worries flew away with one gentle caress!

I wish I could keep you till the end
Though you know that may never happen.
You’ve loved me all the years of my life
You know I’d love you though I’d be somebody’s wife!

I don’t say the words. You know I’m proud
To say I LOVE YOU out aloud.
Now I pen these words down before I forget
So you know how much I do respect.

You are the smart one, you’ve always been
I was dumb enough to have never seen.
As I write these words I wonder why
All these years I’ve made you cry.

I’M YOUR GIRL

You came into my life when I was low
At that time my life was so Sore.

Within days you turned it around
Within hours I could hear a friendly sound

How you did it I don’t know.
You brought into my life a new glow.

Why did u come to my rescue.
Was it fake or was it true.

They say ppl come into ur life for a reason.
I hope this reason lasts more than a season.

U say u care I wanna believe you.
But nothing u do could hence prove.

If u care then u need to show.
Coz that’ll make the both of us grow.

This will take us to a higher ground,
Where words or actions would hold no bound.

U think I’m askin the WORLD.
But u don’t know boy I’m Ur Girl!!!!