Nothing is ever enough…

I always knew these cliches that spoke about expectation being the root cause of misery and others to the effect of that, but today I seriously sat down to think about it. There is at least a single or couple of people in your life that you have some sort of expectation from – and these according to you will not be something that drastic but some sort of basic understanding. I’m not god or even close to attaining any sort of saintly status, so I guess disappointment is part of life.

I’d promised never to write when in a bad mood or emotionally drained state but I am.

I am sick and tired of being the “understanding” one. The person who holds back emotions and feelings to keep everyone else in an emotionally balanced state.

Something’s gotta give!!!

How come the very people who claim to be closest to you fail to understand basic needs that you have? How come they are so consumed by taking all the time that they forget that time and again our expectation would be a listening ear or just a simple line of encouragement? Why is it that everytime I need someone strong to lean on for a bit – the only person I can count on is me?

Where the fuck is my solace? Where the hell is my break? Where in god’s name is my silver lining?

It’s bloody totally unfair! I may not make sense to most who read this but to the few who do get it – I know why you get it!

This feeling of “Nothing is ever enough”. It’s the maddening silence of unanswered calls that over the years have now become some sort of habit. The feeling that makes you numb inside to a point that even the smallest sign of happiness sometimes is thought of as a mistake in the plan set from above.

There are times you just feel like standing up and leaving. Leaving everything and everyone. Leaving all the expectations you so effortlessly fulfil. Leaving it all! The only problem is – we’re eternal optimists having a bad day!

And hence we go back to the same shit day after day with hope that someday something might just change! Only time will tell…