The way I Are

I know why I am the way I am…
Its not for u to see… its not for me to show…

It struck me today why I am really this way. There are so many things I haven’t discovered about myself that it would be totally unfair to let a total stranger be burdened with the expectations of someone who doesn’t know what she wants or is capable of attaining. They say GOD (yes! I’m not an atheist … just not ritualistic) works in mysterious ways and well everything that happens, happens for good.
Unless one knows what they can or cannot do or should or shouldn’t give up they shouldn’t jump on decisions. Every lesson one learns makes them stronger and a lil wiser in treading much more carefully and not hurting oneself and others involved in their lives at the various stages and phases they go through.
I totally believe everyone is responsible for all that they do, say or have and at any point if “shit happens” its all one’s fault or doing only. No outsider can be blamed or thrashed with the crap that you urself got into. Also it’s pretty likely that if u don’t know what u truly deserve and need then your bound to make mistakes and well humanly blame ;) someone else for it.
It’s just that I feel every once in a while a self appraisal is good and needed. You need to know what u need and what u want and whether they together make sense… it’s like the perfect blend of music an lyrics. It’s also whether u deserve what u want and whether what u want deserves you. Maybe you’d get better maybe you wont… at the end of the day it’ll be exactly what you need.
I just resigned from my current job and realized that it’s not because I hated my job or anything, its because I realized I deserved more and that THAT MORE deserved me.
Similarly a lot of people deserve more than they have and well those who don’t deserve compensate for it in other ways. What goes around comes around so I know for sure that atleast smiles, khoob saara pyar evum chumiyan are only on their way back along with the very witty sarcasm I have been throwing at people and the general taunts :) so well I’m ready! Gimme your best shot and I’ll take it all down with a pinch of salt and a huge smile on my face coz that’s one thing that’s always gonna be mine :)

Last Ride Together

This is something I came across and its not like me to put up something that I haven't written..but I guess its apt for all I feel right now and I wish I'd not lose my own form of expression and have to put this up.
But anyways here goes people...enjoy!!!

Last Ride Together
by Robert Browning
(1812-1889)


I said---Then, dearest, since 'tis so,
Since now at length my fate I know,
Since nothing all my love avails,
Since all, my life seemed meant for, fails,
Since this was written and needs must be---
My whole heart rises up to bless
Your name in pride and thankfulness!
Take back the hope you gave,---I claim
---Only a memory of the same,
---And this beside, if you will not blame,
Your leave for one more last ride with me.

II.

My mistress bent that brow of hers;
Those deep dark eyes where pride demurs
When pity would be softening through,
Fixed me, a breathing-while or two,
With life or death in the balance: right!
The blood replenished me again;
My last thought was at least not vain:
I and my mistress, side by side
Shall be together, breathe and ride,
So, one day more am I deified.
Who knows but the world may end tonight?

III.

Hush! if you saw some western cloud
All billowy-bosomed, over-bowed
By many benedictions---sun's
And moon's and evening-star's at once---
And so, you, looking and loving best,
Conscious grew, your passion drew
Cloud, sunset, moonrise, star-shine too,
Down on you, near and yet more near,
Till flesh must fade for heaven was here!---
Thus leant she and lingered---joy and fear!
Thus lay she a moment on my breast.

IV.

Then we began to ride. My soul
Smoothed itself out, a long-cramped scroll
Freshening and fluttering in the wind.
Past hopes already lay behind.
What need to strive with a life awry?
Had I said that, had I done this,
So might I gain, so might I miss.
Might she have loved me? just as well
She might have hated, who can tell!
Where had I been now if the worst befell?
And here we are riding, she and I.

V.

Fail I alone, in words and deeds?
Why, all men strive and who succeeds?
We rode; it seemed my spirit flew,
Saw other regions, cities new,
As the world rushed by on either side.
I thought,---All labour, yet no less
Bear up beneath their unsuccess.
Look at the end of work, contrast
The petty done, the undone vast,
This present of theirs with the hopeful past!
I hoped she would love me; here we ride.

VI.

What hand and brain went ever paired?
What heart alike conceived and dared?
What act proved all its thought had been?
What will but felt the fleshly screen?
We ride and I see her bosom heave.
There's many a crown for who can reach,
Ten lines, a statesman's life in each!
The flag stuck on a heap of bones,
A soldier's doing! what atones?
They scratch his name on the Abbey-stones.
My riding is better, by their leave.

VII.

What does it all mean, poet? Well,
Your brains beat into rhythm, you tell
What we felt only; you expressed
You hold things beautiful the best,
And pace them in rhyme so, side by side.
'Tis something, nay 'tis much: but then,
Have you yourself what's best for men?
Are you---poor, sick, old ere your time---
Nearer one whit your own sublime
Than we who never have turned a rhyme?
Sing, riding's a joy! For me, I ride.

VIII.

And you, great sculptor---so, you gave
A score of years to Art, her slave,
And that's your Venus, whence we turn
To yonder girl that fords the burn!
You acquiesce, and shall I repine?
What, man of music, you grown grey
With notes and nothing else to say,
Is this your sole praise from a friend,
``Greatly his opera's strains intend,
``Put in music we know how fashions end!''
I gave my youth; but we ride, in fine.

IX.

Who knows what's fit for us? Had fate
Proposed bliss here should sublimate
My being---had I signed the bond---
Still one must lead some life beyond,
Have a bliss to die with, dim-descried.
This foot once planted on the goal,
This glory-garland round my soul,
Could I descry such? Try and test!
I sink back shuddering from the quest.
Earth being so good, would heaven seem best?
Now, heaven and she are beyond this ride.

X.

And yet---she has not spoke so long!
What if heaven be that, fair and strong
At life's best, with our eyes upturned
Whither life's flower is first discerned,
We, fixed so, ever should so abide?
What if we still ride on, we two
With life for ever old yet new,
Changed not in kind but in degree,
The instant made eternity,---
And heaven just prove that I and she
Ride, ride together, for ever ride?