I always
knew these cliches that spoke about expectation being the root cause of misery
and others to the effect of that, but today I seriously sat down to think about
it. There is at least a single or couple of people in your life that you have
some sort of expectation from – and these according to you will not be
something that drastic but some sort of basic understanding. I’m not god or
even close to attaining any sort of saintly status, so I guess disappointment
is part of life.
I’d promised
never to write when in a bad mood or emotionally drained state but I am.
I am sick
and tired of being the “understanding” one. The person who holds back emotions
and feelings to keep everyone else in an emotionally balanced state.
Something’s
gotta give!!!
How come the
very people who claim to be closest to you fail to understand basic needs that
you have? How come they are so consumed by taking all the time that they forget
that time and again our expectation would be a listening ear or just a simple
line of encouragement? Why is it that everytime I need someone strong to lean
on for a bit – the only person I can count on is me?
Where the
fuck is my solace? Where the hell is my break? Where in god’s name is my silver
lining?
It’s bloody
totally unfair! I may not make sense to most who read this but to the few who
do get it – I know why you get it!
This feeling
of “Nothing is ever enough”. It’s the maddening silence of unanswered calls
that over the years have now become some sort of habit. The feeling that makes
you numb inside to a point that even the smallest sign of happiness sometimes
is thought of as a mistake in the plan set from above.
There are
times you just feel like standing up and leaving. Leaving everything and
everyone. Leaving all the expectations you so effortlessly fulfil. Leaving it
all! The only problem is – we’re eternal optimists having a bad day!
And hence we
go back to the same shit day after day with hope that someday something might
just change! Only time will tell…
