SATISFACTION or somethin like it

In office at 5.25 p.m. Have no clue why I’m still here. There’s tons of work to be completed and I just can’t seem to get things in motion. I wonder why?
Is it because I just don’t feel like doing it anymore or is it because of the obvious laziness in me or is it because I have finally found that this is not making me happy and I need to move on?

I’ve seen this happen before where I have clinged on to things for so long that it became a way of life that I knew deep inside I didn’t want to lead anymore but since it was the only security I had I kept doing it till I just couldn’t anymore. I never imagined that my job would be such a thing! I always thought I’d do something I loved to earn my bread and butter. I am working these days just to survive when actually I draw quite a decent salary for someone my age. By that I don’t mean those brilliant engineers who’ve jumped jobs and excelled in everything they’ve done. I’m an average person with a used-to-be normal life that has gone topsy-turvy for the want of a financially satisfying life. What is a better living? These days so often we hear the words “I’m earning a better living”. BUT ARE U???? ITS ALL A STATE OF MIND!

The more the money … the more the stress….the more the lack of living….. I’m earning enough according to current standards but still have to struggle living with 3 other roommates in a flat devoid of comfort and life. What am I paying rent for????? I have no clue. I feel as though people have lost their minds completely playing the money game… First u earn … then buy a flat….then put it on rent while u urself pay an exorbitant amount as rent in some other area of ur choice and thus the infinitum!
If u notice most people in my field probably earn thrice the amount their parents earned when they were are age but DAMN our parents were still happier! Look at me I am 24 yrs and writing about satisfaction at work… how the fuck would I know if I dint stick around long enough to learn something worthwhile to prove by mettle outside? Its not job satisfaction really I’m talking about… its satisfying ur inner desire to be at the top or somewhere around that area and always ahead of competition….its tryin to convince everyone around u and urself that u are doing something worthwhile with ur life…its trying to find you in ur job and not finding a job in YOU!
Seriously I’m just typing away from the start not really knowing where this is really going. I’m still at work not doing work and I know I’m wrong but I just have to write all this. Why am I being forced to continue in this job and why am I being forced to leave it?
To tell u the truth my job doesn’t really suck …I swear it doesn’t. If I stick around long enough (already been 3 yrs) I know I’d be proficient and much better off than a peer whose jumped 3 jobs and has got 2 promotions after heavy negotiations and tons of money. I’m not saying people who switch jobs are stupid… its just that everyone has a different internal wiring… and some have tendencies to be short circuited much easily than the others. My belief is “old fashioned” as some call it…but I swear I’ve seen it to be more “satisfying” than the others. I totally believe that “ALL circumstances are made to make u richer and not break u down”. But that’s me! In today’s age because of the Various choices we’re offered its more difficult to make a right pick! The advice packages offered are so scary that even people u totally believe in can shake the foundations of ur beliefs. Torment u day in and day out into making biased choices.

I think the inspiration for today’s post is because of the article I read on the survey for the most satisfying jobs in the states. I don’t know about the US but my mom’s a school teacher and I haven’t really ever heard her complain so much about her job than half my peers at work. My dad was a manager in a small engineering firm some years ago and gave his prime years (22 to be precise) to the betterment of that company and never had such bitter feelings towards what he did! He had an ASS for a boss but he still loved what he did! I just think that its competition and the fact that u let Your peers get to u that makes ur life so difficult… I never ever saw my parents feel bad or convinced enough to switch their jobs. Loyalty to one’s beliefs is something that runs in the blood… Similarly I really don’t find reason good enough to leave my job though ‘according to everyone around’ I would be much more satisfied with a higher paying job… That sound is great right? but money is seriously something that can be earned anytime. I am talented and gifted but I need practice long enough to be able to really ask what I’m worth of! I need to be convinced that my current job cant give me any more and I need to move on.
Am I worth all I get currently? I am worth much more but in due time…. In due time!

Motivation

I’m gonna do it this time
I know I can.
I’m gonna do it this time
And for no man!

I can control this
It’s an easy task
It’s amazing how I’ve waited
For someone to ask.

Dedication, determination and hard work
It’s all that’s needed.
To get to where I want
From GOD I’ve pleaded.

I know they say
He helps those who help themselves
It’s like in a fairy tale
But you are your own elves!

I feel sometimes
It’s gonna take a lot
Sometimes may require
Drugs of some sort

They say Rome wasn’t
Built in a day!
It needs sense of direction and motivation
More over than prayer!!

Lot does change with
A pinch of WILL POWER
Changing your weakness
To a strengthened tower.

I’ve decided! I know it’s me
Who can do this
After all it’s only I who
Deserves this feeling of BLISS!!!